“A person’s good and evil are dependent on his companions. When three people are together there will always be an exemplary person among them… choice the good person and follow his example.” — Hojo Nagauji (1432-1519 A.D.)
Hojo Nagauji was a “Fighting Samurai” and a general who helped lay the foundations of what we now call Bushido. In his Twenty-One Precepts, he warned his retainers to be surgical about their associations. He wasn’t just being a prude; he was talking about survivability.
The “Screw Golf” Mentality
Nagauji’s advice to avoid “gaming and carousing” in favor of study and calligraphy echoes a sentiment I’ve long admired from Col. Dave Grossman: “Screw golf.” If you claim to be a “professional” or a “warrior,” yet you spend more heart and mind on idle drinking, gaming, or status-seeking than on your skills and your soul, you are living in a fantasy. You are choosing to say you are something rather than actually being it.
The Perimeter of Reputation
We’ve all been there—out with friends, one too many drinks, acting in a way that doesn’t align with the weight of the badge or the belt. While “playing” is better than wasting time completely, it must be done intentionally. As George Washington famously noted: “Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation. It is better to be alone than in bad company.”
In the “Domestic Arena,” I recently wrote about protecting the marriage from the “poison” of bitter influences. The same applies to your professional and martial life. If you associate with people who consistently act in an undignified manner, you are debasing yourself. You are asking for trouble that “The Way” is designed to help you avoid.
The Exemplary Person
Nagauji suggests a simple exercise in situational awareness: In any group of three, find the “good example” and emulate him. Look at the “bad example” and use him as a mirror to correct your own faults.
This is Tactical Social Geometry. You are positioning yourself to inherit the virtues of those around you, rather than being dragged down by their gravity.
Are You Worthy of Respect?
If you find yourself getting “wasted” as routine entertainment or associating with those who have no respect for the Standard, you are moving away from the path. A warrior is mindful. He doesn’t stumble into trouble; he sees it coming and chooses a different route—or he meets it on his own terms.
Mindfulness is the fundamental. Consider the people you associate with today:
- Are they examples you wish to emulate?
- Do you want others to think of you the way they think of them?
- Are they worthy of respect?
- Are you?
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