With the rise of “reality” police media, the public is being exposed to more “street language” than ever before. To the uninitiated, some of these interactions can seem confusing. Why does an officer look skeptical when a subject sounds perfectly reasonable?
As a public service, I am providing this easy-to-understand translation guide. Rest assured, in most cases, both the officer and the “customer” know exactly what is being said.
| When they say… | They actually mean… |
| “That’s not mine!” | “That’s mine.” |
| “I didn’t do anything!” | “I did it.” |
| “I don’t have my ID on me.” | “I’m going to lie about my identity.” |
| “I swear to God!” | “I’m about to lie.” |
| “That’s not my purse.” | “I have drugs in my purse.” |
| “I know him as…” | “I’m lying about my friend’s identity because he has a warrant.” |
| “I swear on my child’s life!” | “I’m about to lie.” |
| “I’m just driving around.” | “I just came from a drug house / a crime scene.” |
| “I don’t have my license on me.” | “My license is suspended or revoked.” |
| “I’m not going to lie to you, Officer!” | “I’m about to lie.” |
| “I did what? What did you say?” | “I’m trying to think up a lie.” |
| “These aren’t my pants!” | “That’s my dope in the pocket.” |
| “As far as I know…” | “I don’t know if the warrant/suspension has hit yet.” |
| “I swear on my mother’s grave!” | “I’m about to lie.” |
| “I paid for that!” | “I stole that.” |
| “I won it at the casino.” | “That’s my drug sales money.” |
| “Why are you hasslin’ me?” | “Why do I keep getting caught?” |
| “This is bullshit!” | “I hate getting caught.” |
| “You only stopped me because…” | “I know I committed a violation, but I’m deflecting.” |
| “I only had 2 or 3 beers.” | “I’m drunk.” |
| “I was driving to the store when…” | “I am a ‘verbal diarrhea’ liar.” |
| “People are killing each other…” | “I did it, but I want you to feel guilty for catching me.” |
| “This car belongs to a friend…” | “This car is a ‘crack rental’.” |
| “I think I’m having a heart attack!” | “I want a hospital bed instead of a cell.” |
| “You didn’t read me my rights!” | “I believe TV procedure is actual law.” |
The Practitioner’s Note
While this list is meant to be humorous, it highlights a fundamental truth of the job: The Gap between Words and Reality. In the precinct, we often deal with the “Transactional Lie”—words used as a tool to avoid a consequence. On this site, we focus on the opposite: The Code, where words are an extension of internal honor. Understanding one helps you appreciate the other.
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